i spent all day crying and not knowing why. i felt like i abandoned myself, my happy personality was gone. i have so much to be happy for so why am i sad? it was the money thing, if it hadnt been brought to my attention by that weirdo i wouldnt have known, i wouldve kept operating from a place of lack and need but im thankful i guess, thankful for the puffy eyes. all day crying to realize, thats not why im doing this, it was never why i did this, i like to take chances, risks, live life like a video game, see the patterns, the quests, the opportunities, and follow the white rabbit. but then it became dolla dolla bills yall and i started to lose sight of what the goal was. that fucking weirdo, ok – let me be nice, the beautiful mirror that made its way to me showed me i needed a quick course correct, that living for myself meant living in the service of others, to help guide others, show them compassion and love when no one else has, when they feel like the world has failed them.

yes me i am the shining light, i am the living proof, not my wallet, not my bank account, the unending desire to love unconditionally. that is what moves me, that is what i live for.